Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me
A Pick Me girl, according to Urban Dictionary is “a girl who goes out of their way to impress boys and make them seem that they're ‘not like other girls.’" Essentially a woman who performatively distances herself from feminine girls and all things femininity in attempts to appear smarter, tougher, and more attractive.
Pick Me Girls get a lot of slack. And rightfully so, their behavior is misogynistic, frustrating, and often obnoxious. However, I have a different view, Pick Me Girls aren't the problem, the root cause is the real issue.
Starting with the second wave of feminism: bra-burning and housewife hating. In attempts to be viewed as people rather than objects, women of the second wave of feminism rejected all aspects of womanhood and attempted to pave a new way. Now, of course, bras and housework are not for everyone, however, it is incorrect to say that women who sometimes enjoy appealing to the male gaze and taking a housewife role aren't included and don't deserve the benefits of feminism. This wave of feminists started the idea that wearing makeup and caring about outfits is anti-feminist, which I, firmly believe is not true. This ideal started the concept that to be a serious woman, you need to be the antithesis of the feminine. Womanhood became demeaning and the need to be different and to demonize other women became powerful. But supporting women isn’t supporting women if you aren’t supporting everyone. Including the hyper-femme women that are viewed as what “we need to move on from.”
In Mean Girls, Cady transforms from being not like other girls to being exactly like other girls. She does so under the wings of Janis Ian and Regina George, each respectively the definition of not like, and exactly like other girls. As Cady goes through this transition she goes from good to evil, a clear example of how the movie illustrates how femininity is viewed as wrong and bad.
Cut pick me girls some slack, the reason why they exist deserves the hate. Because, although pick me’s are annoying and misogynistic, they exist because of society's negative view of feminine women (see “How Hollywood Demonizes Ultra-Femininity” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOZan JMqI) Being a pick me is simply another way of appealing to men, something all women are taught to do. The real answer is working on unlearning the male gaze and to stop demonizing femininity,
When masculinity is viewed as strong, and femininity is viewed as weak, it's natural to desire one and put down the other. You guess which is which.
