Stop Protecting Women, Teach Men
TW: Discussion of SA, Violence, and Death. Skip this post if any of those topics are triggering for you.
The narrative should have never been to protect women. It should have been to teach men.
Sarah Everard was murdered on the night of March 3rd.
Her death has sparked a movement of anger and fear and sadness amongst women all over the world. I’m going to be talking about the narrative that has surrounded her murder, but it's important to remember that Sarah and others whose deaths have sparked movements, were people, who had futures and families and lives. We can’t become numb to the pain that Sarah and others who died like her caused, and it’s important to dig into what that pain means.
I have seen a lot of posts on social media that say something along the lines of “Sarah did everything right, and yet she still was murdered.” Everything being updating people as to where she was, walking on well-lit streets and making an effort to protect herself from the ever-lurking antagonist in women's lives: men.
It’s true when 97% of women will experience some form of sexual harassment or assault and 1 in 5 women are raped in their lifetime's men can feel like a shadow lurking around the corner, ready to pounce at any moment.
Every single woman I know either has experienced harassment or is close to someone who has. We all live our lives in fear of the men around us. The men behind us on the stairs, walking towards us on the sidewalk or entering the elevator all-cause women's hearts to skip beats and silently hope that they will make it out alive.
Rape culture and the gender norms that we all learn at a very young age are all reasons for this fear that is so instilled in women's brains.
From the moment girls can have a coherent thought, we are taught that it’s our job to control men's actions.
That what we wear, say, and do could all be a reason for our assault or murder.
However, men aren't taught to not murder or assault people. Probably because that’s not something that seems like it needs to be taught.
However, it does.
But rather than just saying to not assault or murder someone, what needs to be done is the undoing of misogynistic ideals that are implanted in men's heads. The specifics of consent, and how it works need to be taught. Teaching men that it is okay and natural to be emotional and sensitive and teaching positive methods of dealing with and expressing emotions could prevent a world of gender-motivated violence.
It is also important to note that racism and misogyny and homophobia and transphobia all come together and are motives for violence. Misogynoir is the racial-based misogynistic hate that Black women face. Asian women are fetishized and targets of violence, we saw the terrifying tragedy this past week that was the race-based mass shootings and hate crimes in Georgia. Lesbians are fetishized and targetted for violence and trans women are a huge target of violence. Each marginalized group is affected by hate differently.
Most women, at one point or another, have feared for their lives in the presence of a man. Sarah’s murder proved that that fear was valid. But that fear doesn't have to, or rather, shouldn't have to be there.
Action on a government level is a necessity, but it’s only half the battle. And changing what we teach young people and unlearning the ways of thought that are ingrained in us all is a crucial step.
